


Known (Hazards)

by brawltogethernow



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Marvel, Spider-Man/Deadpool - Joe Kelly (Comics)
Genre: Fluffy Absurdist Existential Angst, Fourth Wall, Friendship, Gen, Gen or Weird Not-Gen, Meta, Other, Secret Identity, no identity reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:28:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23270209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brawltogethernow/pseuds/brawltogethernow
Summary: Wade Wilson knows that Spider-Man loves a good kvetch, how his powers work, that he has with his own filthy mouth identified as "heteroflexible" at least once, and his inseam measurement (don't ask). He does not know: Spider-Man's name. (Or: You cannot ask your good pal for an assist in a fight against an omnipotent godlike force he can't observe or confirm the existence of, even if that force is embodied in an aging white dude who used to have a yellowface nom de plume, no matter how scrappy he is.)
Relationships: Peter Parker & Wade Wilson, Wade Wilson vs. Marvel Comics
Kudos: 26





	Known (Hazards)

**Author's Note:**

> Phonefic amnesty continues. Based on the S/DP issue that revealed Wade can actively observe and interact with the editorial pressures preventing him from learning Peter's identity, obviously.

Wade doesn't know Spider-Man's name, but he does — _know_ Spider-Man, he thinks. Pretty well.

He thinks he knows this: If Spider-Man believed a cosmic force were keeping Wade from learning things, Wade is _pretty sure_ Spidey would be down to fist fight it.

Wade _also_ thinks Spidey thinks (that Wade thinks Spidey thinks — whoops, wrong genre!) that Wade's inability to learn Spider-Man's identity is a product of Wade's insanity, which he's likely deemed 'can't fist fight and not a moral problem', like a sensible person.

Wade can't even blame the guy! It does sound crazy, and it's not like he can prove otherwise.

Even Wade isn't sure! Haha! Ha...

Yikes. Yeah.

Spider-Man sidles closer on the big power line tree thingy where Wade has perched to brood — where he can be because he's sticky and has preternatural balance and danger-detecting clairvoyance, and Wade can be because what's he going to do, die? — and plunks down next to him. "What's on your mind?" he asks.

Wade thinks about it.

"Spider-Man versus the writers: clash of the century," he summarizes.

"I regret asking," says Spider-Man without heat.

The man just enjoys complaining. Wade has his number. Hanging out with someone as grating as Wade must be like a fun workout. You stretch those grousing muscles, Spidey. It neatly explains his (cough sexual tension-riddled cough) relationships with not only Wade but also the Human Torch.

"I'm giving you a workout," Wade declares.

"Not sure how you mean but in any sense, not on your life," rejoins Spider-Man automatically.

"You'd get it if you'd seen my narration boxes," says Wade. "You can deny it, but I know I've got you pegged — Innueno or not, reader's choice. I don't need to know your name to know you, Spidey."

"I'm dubious."

"That's fine. That's just your nature."

"Sure, 'Pool."

"I would _like_ to know your name, is all."

"It's still █████████."

"God dammit."


End file.
